


It's hard to breath (when I see you)

by Outdoorsy



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Fever, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hiding Medical Issues, Light Angst, M/M, Sakumoto - Freeform, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:16:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outdoorsy/pseuds/Outdoorsy
Summary: It's the most busy time of the year and Jun finds himself sick with a cold. The only problem: no one can know. And especially not Sho. After all their relationship was getting better again and he didn't want to seem weak.





	1. Chapter 1

It is the most intense time of the year- they are just preparing for their tour and basically spend all their free time horded up in their rehearsal room, only ever leaving when they have to film new episodes for VS Arashi or Arashi ni Shiyagare. Sometimes they are lucky and get to leave for photo shoots for the weekly television magazine and so on.  
They see each other first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. Everyone notices everything. 

Jun finds himself scolding Nino for staying up too late and playing games, comforting Aiba, who had to take pictures with animals at an animal sanctuary and is left in tears afterwards.  
He has woken Ohno countless times after he fell asleep at the most impossible places, the recent ones involving spread out over two chairs which were standing about 1m apart, he still wonders how Riida managed to fall asleep like this.  
He has supplied Sho with cough drops when he caught a little cold and was desperately trying to hide it. But like this you can't keep a secret in any way, which sucks. 

Jun groans and rolls over in his bed. He is not a morning person, but this feels more like a hangover, not his normal sleepiness. Except for the fact that he didn't drink yesterday.  
He grabs his glasses on the way to the toilet and runs a hand though his messed up hair. It feels a bit greasy so he should probably take a shower before heading out.

When he reaches the mirror he has to look twice to see himself in the pale complexion staring back at him. Crap, you can tell that he is not feeling all too well this morning.  
He lazily drops the T-shirt he slept in and steps under the shower. The cold water makes him gasp, but at least it adds a bit of blush to his pale complexion. He hates the cold, but some sacrifices demand to be made. 

When he gets out of the shower he at least doesn`t look like he is half dead anymore.  
Looking at the clock makes him skip his breakfast and hurry to the Jimshou. 

 

The cold November air hits him hard and he starts coughing. Maybe he should have blow-dried his hair, but he just didn't have the time. It's not like him to oversleep but here he his.  
As he pushes up his glasses he notices that he didn't put in the contacts. This could be a problem. The others know that he only wears his glasses when he feels a bit under the weather. So he is now stuck at the question: Go back and risk being late or risk them finding out that he feels like crap. 

He takes the easy way out and turns into the next convenience store. The contacts he buys are not perfect but they'll do for the day. Years of using contacts have trained him to put them in in any kind of circumstances, so he just uses the mirror of the closest car to do so.

 

It is quarter to nine when he reaches their practice room. They decided to start the practice at nine so he is fine. 

He isn't even the last. Sho is still missing, so he'll be fine. He takes a short breath before he enters the room. Ohno is sitting in one of the corners, stretching and warming up, Nino is right next to him, leaning against a wall and caught up with his games.  
Aiba is trying to talk to him, but is being ignored.  
When he closes the door they all look up.

"'morning" he greats with a small smile and they all return his greeting.  
He drops his bag on one of the chairs in the corner and starts undressing, losing his coat. When he starts taking of his scarf he stops and decides to keep it on until they are properly warmed up. At least everyone knows that he hates the cold so no one will question this.

The door opens again and their remaining member steps in.  
Sho is wearing a mask and looks a bit worse for wear.  
Aiba is the first to ask, "Sho-chan, are you ok?"  
Sho smiles under his mask. "It seems like I've caught a bit of a cold, but I'm fine. I don't have a fever."

Without looking up Jun takes the small bottle of pills he is carrying and tosses them. Sho looks a bit surprised, but they are all used to him carrying his own little pharmacy so he just takes two pills and returns the bottle to Jun.  
"Thank you!"  
He looks very grateful as he swallows the medicine.

And this is probably the first time Jun is actually happy about someone else being sick because now all the other members start fussing over Sho, herding him off to the couch and asking repeatedly if he his fine. No one pays attention to Jun, as he has to cough again.

They're practices is pretty normal. They are taking a few breaks more because no one wants to strain Sho and Jun is pretty glad about this.  
He will be fine tomorrow, but for now he is grateful for the breaks.

They have a selection of obentos brought over for lunch and Jun opts for the Japanese one. He thinks that he might be able to stomach some rice.  
But after only a few bites he feels his stomach cramping up and puts down his chopsticks. 

When he looks up he finds Sho staring at him.  
"Are you not hungry?" He asks in a concerned tone.  
"You could ask yourself the same question." Jun snaps back and apologizes right afterwards. "Sorry. I'm just trying to lose some of the weight I've put on in the last weeks."  
"You don't really look like you've gained weight." Ohno mentions but they let him be and return to fussing over Sho.

"Do you have some more of..."  
Wordlessly Jun hands the bottle of pills over to Nino who then hands Sho some more.  
When he takes them again he makes sure to put them in his pocket instead of returning them to his bag.  
A short trip to the toilet with his meds should take care of the headache building up between his eyebrows.

When they are finally done for the day he tries to leave quietly, but Sho calls him back.  
"Matsujun, thank you again for the meds!"  
He nods and muffles a cough.  
Sho narrows his eyes and stares at him for a moment, before deciding not to say anything.  
"Have a safe trip home!"

 

Jun stares at the thermometer in his hand in disbelief. He thought this was only a 24h bug, but the numbers don't lie.  
38°C  
Shit.  
He had woken up feeling almost as bad as the previous night. And people say a good nights sleep cures everything.

It is for certain true for Sho who is back to his normal self when he reaches their rehearsal place.  
"Thanks to your meds I'm totally fine." He grins as Jun flops down on one of the couches.  
"I'm glad you're feeling better!" He manages a small smile.  
They are the only ones in the room so far.

When Jun looks back up he finds Sho mustering him again.  
"Is something wrong with my hair?"  
Sho just cocks his head.  
"I was just thinking that you look a bit pale. Are you sure you slept enough last night?"  
Jun feels the heat in his face grow.

"I'm fine! You know that I'm not very good with mornings."  
"No reason to get upset, Macchan!"  
His old nickname takes him by surprise and he can't suppress a smile.  
"Thanks for worrying, but I'm fine."


	2. Chapter 2

Within the next minutes the others arrive and they begin their dance practice. For the next concert they have this one song that involves turns and pirouettes and for gods sake, how can that be so difficult?  
Jun sighs as the music once again stops and a flustered Aiba apologizes for messing this up again.  
He is feeling dizzier by the minute and is concentrating on not looking too bad when the music starts again.

"Oh, sorry!" Someone bumps into him and sends him flying.   
When he looks up he sees Ninos sheepish grin.  
He just snarls at him and gets back up again. The world around him is swimming and it takes him a second to find his balance.

He doesn't notice the glances the other members share.  
"Should we take a break?" Ohno askes, but Jun politely reclines. They have to get this right at some point.

He feels his breath coming in gasps and the world is slowly tilting to the right. His fever must have risen in the last hours.

The music starts again, but he can't really hear it.   
Working only by muscle memory Jun takes the turns and twists as the world starts closing in on him. 

It feels like one of these theatre performances when someone slowly closes the curtain. Well, except for the fact that this is his brain doing so.  
His ears start to ring and he is feeling more disoriented by the second.

Suddenly he collides with something or someone. Strong arms wrap around him and he closes his eyes, only to open them again when he recognizes the voice.  
In disbelief he stares into Shos face, which is way to close to his own.  
"Matsujun?" Sho asks and he tries to push him away but his muscles don't quite work right now.  
"You're hot!" 

Jun smiles. "I know I am. Could you please let go of me?"  
Sho scowls at him. "No, I mean like in 'You're burning up!'"   
That being said he carefully rests his palm on Juns forehead and even though Jun really really doesn't want this, he leans into the cool touch.

Without him noticing Sho slowly drags him over to the couch and sits him down, all while still holding onto Juns waist as if he is afraid that he might fall.

"I'm fine!" Jun protests while Sho lifts up his legs and forces him to lie down on the couch.   
Someone hands him a bottle of water, but somehow the lid won't open. Sho takes it from him and starts opening it, not looking at him anymore.  
This is the cue he needed. In a fluid motion he ducks down under the arm of his obnoxious band mate and tries to flee.

The only problem is that his balance is not quite back to what it was. He bumps into Sho and sends them both sprawling. It is only when he is drenched in water that he realizes that this probably wasn't his brightest idea.

Also, Sho looks angry now. Shit.

Without a word the older one grabs him by his shoulders and once again positions him on the couch.  
"Stay!" He orders in a low tone, while he gets up and walks over to his bag.

Jun can't help but start shivering at the coldness in his voice. Or maybe it is because of the water he is covered in now.   
He tries to find a more comfortable position but as soon as he moves Sho shoots him an angry glare and Jun finally gives in.

He closes his eyes and lets out a small sigh.

So this didn't quite go as planned.  
He got found out, he still feels like crap and now Sho hates him.

He can hear the whispers of the other members behind him and decides that he really doesn't want to hear what they are talking about.  
Until someone calls his name.

Jun opens his eyes again. Sho is towering over him; the smile on his face looks a bit forced.  
"Get up, we're going home."  
"But what about the practice?"  
"No one will let you practice like this. You need to rest."

Jun looks over to Ohno, but their leader only nods in agreement.  
He slowly starts to get up but the world once again starts to tilt.  
Sho grabs his arm and straightens him, then he wraps Juns arm around his shoulder and up they go.  
The ringing in his ears returns with full force, but he manages to apologize to the other before Sho drags him out of the room.

In silence they walk down to Shos car. Jun doesn't dare to say anything to upset his colleague any further.   
He unconsciously leans on Sho. While he would prefer to walk on his own his legs shake and he is not quite sure how he managed to dance on them until minutes earlier.

When he is sitting in the car, Sho asks. "Do you think you need to see a doctor?"  
Jun shakes his head. "This is just a cold. You don't have to do this. I'll just take a cab home and sleep for a while and I'll be fine."

"Maybe I don't want to leave you alone like this."

Juns eyes widen when he hears the silent confession.  
Without another word Sho starts the car and in silence he drives them to Juns apartment complex.

"Um, thanks for driving! I'll see you tomorrow." Jun starts and opens the door, but Sho turns the key, takes it and gets out of the car.  
"Like I've said earlier. I'm not leaving you like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. I'm basically finding any excuse not to learn for board exams right now... writing is a good one.  
> If you have any suggestions, wishes and so on please let me know.  
> I'm also always happy if you just leave kudos or comments ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Though Jun is trying very hard to keep his distance, it is almost impossible. Well, based on the fact that Sho is basically carrying him.  
Right after he go out of the car, his legs gave way and if not for the good reflexes of his band mate he would have kissed the pavement in a not very graceful way.  
So that's how he ended up like this.

"Key!" Sho holds out his hand while Jun leans on the wall next to the apartment door, panting heavily.   
He starts fishing in his bag, but a sudden coughing fit takes him by surprise.

"Geez, you don't do anything halfway, do you?" Sho asks as he takes over the bag and continues searching for the key.  
When Jun can breath again he is guided to his bed.

"Put on something comfortable and become horizontal." Sho orders him while he leaves the room.  
Jun grabs the old sweatshirt and the pair of sweats he sleeps in. He takes off his wet shirt and shivers when the cold air hits his skin.  
When he tries to put on the sweatshirt he starts coughing again. It hurts quite a bit, but he can't stop. His body is crying for air.  
After a few moments he looks up to see Sho standing in the doorframe.  
He is frowning.

"If this is not better by tomorrow you have to see a doctor. That doesn't sound healthy at all."  
Jun just shakes his head while he is trying to catch his breath.  
"Where is your first aid kit?" Sho asks.  
"Bathroom, top shelf." He continues on coughing. When does this ever stop?  
Sho leaves the room to return minutes later, carrying the small bag. By then Jun is gasping for air. Every time he breathes in it hurts and now this is slowly turning from a coughing fit into a fully blown panic attack.

He doesn't even notice how Sho gets down on one knee in front of him and grabs his shoulders.  
"Slow breaths. In...Out...In...Out...In..."  
After a few minutes Jun is back to being able to breath. His eyes are watering and he feels dizzy again.

"Come on, lie down. We'll get this sorted out." Sho assures him. He doesn’t sound angry anymore, just worried.  
Sho opens the first aid kit and produces a thermometer, which he hands to Jun.   
When Jun doesn't move he sighs.  
"Take it. Take your temperature. You're an adult. You can do this yourself."

Jun shoves the thermometer under his tongue while he continues watching Sho take his first aid pack apart.   
He seems to have found what he is looking for.  
"Sorry, this might be a bit cold." He sticks the fever patch on Juns overheating forehead and the younger one finds his cheeks growing even redder due to the close proximity of his one crush (he is totally over him, but this...).

"Thanks!" He mumbles around the thermometer stuck in his mouth, the cold metal clicking against his teeth, not a very nice feeling.  
Sho doesn't look up. He keeps sorting through the medicine.  
He gets up and leaves the room only to return carrying a glass of water.  
"Here you go. Take this with the water. I'll go and get the good stuff later on." Sho hands him an ibuprofen and the glass of water.

As Jun wants to protest the thermometer beeps and before he can check it for himself, Sho snatches it from him.  
He clicks his tongue in annoyance and Jun wonders both what he did wrong this time and what the numbers said, but he doesn't really feel like asking. Numbers will make this real and he would rather keep on pretending to be fine.

Sho sighs. "Good job, dancing with a fever of 39.3°C. No wonder you collapsed."  
Technically, he didn't. Sho kept him from doing so, but Jun shrugs. So there he is, no denying any more.  
"Anyways, take the meds and try to sleep for a bit. I'll do some shopping in the mean time."

Jun does as he is told and finds himself drifting off after a few minutes. He should probably think about all of this. His situation, Sho, his feelings, but he is just too tired to do so.

He wakes to someone touching his forehead and jerks a bit.  
"Sorry. Did I wake you up?"  
Jun tries to act as if he is still sleeping. Somehow it works because Sho keeps on talking.

"Ok... good. You're pretty out of it. You can't keep doing this, Macchan."  
There it is again, his old nickname, and Jun tries not to blush.  
Sho exchanges the cold patch and starts stroking his hair.  
"Why is it always you who makes me worry like this?"  
Sho thinks he is still asleep and Jun would rather keep it like this. This could get quite interesting.

But as always his body decides to give him away and he starts coughing. He rolls to the side, still wheezing.  
Somewhere far in one corner of his mind he feels Sho patting his back.  
When he can finally breath again, the older one asks. "How are you feeling?"  
Jun decides to be honest and admits. "Like crap."  
"You look the part." Shos laugh sounds forced.   
"Well thank you." Jun rolls over and hides his face again.

A warm hand rests on his shoulder.  
"Sorry."  
Sho gets up and leaves the room and Jun can hear him rummaging in the kitchen. He is not quite sure if he wants to know what Sho is doing, after all his kitchen is the one place in his apartment that actually matters and is kept clean in the best way. 

Jun runs a hand over his face and that is when he notices his eyes hurting. Shit, he forgot about the cheap contacts he bought and put in earlier this morning.   
He sits up carefully and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. He has to take a short break here. The world has started spinning again, but after a few moments it stops so that he can get up.

Trailing one hand along the wall Jun carefully shuffles towards the bathroom. Being upright makes his vision swim even more and before he knows what is happening his hip hits the floor, shortly after followed by his head and he cries out in pain.

"What the hell are you doing out of bed!" Now he sounds angry again.  
Jun tries to get up on his elbows and knees but the pressure on his back prevents him from doing so.  
"Stay down. We both know that this is not a good idea. What were you even trying to do? No worries, I won't destroy your beloved kitchen."  
"My contacts..." Jun gasps and hopes Sho would understand, but the older one only stares at him. "I have to take them out, they are hurting." He explains.

The way Sho looks at him is the way all normal sighted people tend to act when confronted with eye stuff. He would never understand what this feels like- to hurt in order to see.  
"What do you need?" He asks.  
"I just need to get to the mirror so I can take them out." Jun explains.  
This time Sho allows him to get up, but keeps a hand hovering over his waist to keep him from falling.  
When he is finally standing, Jun asks. "So, what exactly are you doing to my kitchen? It smells a bit burnt..."  
Sho pales visibly and hurries off, leaving Jun leaning against the wall.

Jun continues his way to the bathroom and manages to dig out the contacts. He starts crying in the process but that is only natural.  
Obviously, Sho doesn't know this, because he stares at Juns red eyes and gasps. "Are you okay? Is anything hurting? How are you feeling? Come on, let's get you back to bed."

Jun is too embarrassed to explain and lets Sho guide him back to his room. After taking out the contacts he can't see clearly anymore and this for sure does not help his crooked balance.

"What happened to the kitchen?" He asks when he is back under his covers.   
Sho looks up while tucking the corners in around his shoulders and blushes slightly.  
"I might have to make another batch of porridge..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again. Let me know what you think!  
> Jun is near sighted as am I so this is bascially based on my own experiences. Cheap contacts hurt...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Without noticing he must have drifted off to sleep, because it is already dark outside, when he opens his eyes again. He can see Sho sitting at his desk, though the picture is a bit blurred thanks to his missing glasses.   
Jun rolls over and angles for them, but then he remembers that they are still in his bag, which is standing somewhere close to the door. When he starts on the slow process of getting up, Sho turns around. 

"Oh, Matsujun, you're awake. How are you feeling?"  
Jun just shrugs. There is no real change to his condition.  
Sho must have noticed that he was about to get up and asks. "Do you need anything?"   
"My glasses. They are in my bag." Jun cringes at how raw his voice sounds.  
Sho gets up and brings his bag and after a short search Jun finds his glasses. He puts them on and yawns, followed by a few coughs.  
He really doesn't want to know how he looks. His face feels hot, his eyes hurt and he knows what his hair does when he is sleeping.

"You know, I'll be fine on my own. You don't have to stay." The hotness in his face seems to grow. Not that he actually wants Sho to go, but he just hates that his crush band mate has to spend his evening with him. Being sick and all that is.

"You're right." Sho gets up and Jun can feel his heart drop. He really doesn't want Sho to leave. He doesn't want to be alone.  
Sho turns around in the door and smiles. "But I want to. I'll just get you some food."  
Jun lets go off the breath he didn't notice he was holding and starts coughing at the rough feeling in his chest.

When Sho returns, he is carrying a tray with a bowl of porridge and a steaming cup of tea. He looks like a proper housewife. He is even wearing Juns apron what he didn't notice earlier.  
Jun gives a weak laugh. "It suits you!"  
Without replying Sho sits down on the edge of his bed and puts the tray down on the bedside table.   
"Can you sit up on your own?"

Jun can, but it is obviously not fast enough for Sho, who proceeds to pull him up and stuff a few pillows behind his back. The sudden change in positions makes the blood rush from his head and Jun moans softly at the pain it sparks behind his eyes.  
"Are you ok?" Sho sounds increasingly worried. Before Jun can answer he carefully places his hand on his forehead.  
"You feel about the same..." He muses. "Is anything hurting?"  
"My head. But it's fine. I'm fine now." Jun reassures him.  
"Not even close to fine." Sho laughs and picks the tray back up again.  
He carefully places it on Juns legs.  
"Do you think you can manage some food?"  
"I'll try." He is not very hungry, but Sho made this after all. He knows that cooking probably isn't Shos strongest point, but he obviously tried. Tried for him and he will appreciate the food no matter how bland it may taste.

He needs to put the spoon down after three bites though. His hand is shaking a bit and he is not quite sure how much he can eat.  
In order to evade the worried questions he picks up the cup of tea, but his hands are shaking to bad by now and Sho snatches it from him, before he can spill the hot liquid.  
"Let me help!" He lifts the cup to Juns mouth and carefully tilts it. Jun feels like an idiot.

That is the point where things start to spiral out of control. The moment the hot tea hits his lips Jun jerks back and starts coughing. Out of surprise Sho drops the cup and drenches Jun in hot tea. The younger one cries out in pain while Sho desperately tries to save the porridge, which has started wobbling dangerously on Juns knees.

"Sorry..." Sho sounds heartbroken.  
Jun in the meanwhile tries to get out of his drenched shirt and is still coughing, thus not able to answer. His glasses get caught on the shirt and he asks himself if he could be any less graceful.  
When Sho has regained his composure he tucks the glasses from Juns face, neatly folds them and puts them on the bedside table before he helps him undress.

"Are you ok?" He asks again, still sounding shaken.  
Jun nods. "Sorry for the mess..."  
"It's fine." Sho laughs. "More importantly, did I burn you?" He starts examining the skin that was hit by the tea and Jun starts to feel really self-conscious now.   
Sho runs a gentle finger over one of the red patches and apologizes again.  
Jun has stopped breathing.

A few minutes later he is back under the covers, now wearing a thinner shirt Sho found in his wardrobe. Sho. In his wardrobe. He doesn't want to think about all the judging that might have happened right there and then.   
He does take some pride in his style, but he has a few shirts he has kept for personal reasons. Like the one shirt he had said he'd give away since Sho has the same. It is one of his best-worn shirts now. Obviously not outside of the house, but still.   
He really has to stop all this thinking.

"I found this. Should we put it on the burnt areas?" Sho holds up a jar of burn ointment he must have found somewhere in the bathroom.   
Jun cringes again. He really hopes that he didn't leave anything embarrassing lying around. Even worse- he hopes he doesn't own anything Sho could find embarrassing, since he obviously does not care for privacy.

His thoughts have stopped Jun from replying. He only returns to reality, when Sho starts opening his shirt again.  
He scopes some of the nice cool ointment up and carefully starts massaging it in. Jun is quite sure that this would have been the erection of the century, if only he didn't feel so bad. Nevertheless he gasps a bit.

"Am I hurting you?" Shos eyes find his and he quickly looks away. The older one rests a hand on top of his head and starts running his fingers through Juns hair, while he skilfully massages in the salve with the other hand.  
When Sho redoes his buttons, the adrenalin slowly leaves his body and he drops back on the bed, proceeding to hit his head on the wall behind him.  
Sho starts laughing. "You really are a mess, aren't you?"  
Jun feels his face grow hot and he snaps. "Sorry, I can't help it."

Instantly Shos facial expression changes and he looks down on his hands.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make fun of you." He scratches the back of his head. "You act all tough out there, but in your heart you're still my Macchan, I should have known that you're sensitive."  
Jun doesn't really know what to reply. He is basically freaking out right now and is not quite sure if his heart can takes this on top of the sickness.  
"It's fine." He finally blurts out and crawls back under the blanket. 

Without replying Sho leaves the room. Jun closes his eyes. Somehow this day could not have been worse and it could not have been better. He can't help but smile.  
"That looks way better on you, that smile." Sho comments and he is immediately awake again. He still keeps his eyes closed.

Sho places a new cooling patch on his forehead and lets his hand linger a bit longer than necessary, before he gets back up again and leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite sure, how long I intend to make this... it for sure will be some more chapters, but I am not decided yet on how much longer I want to torture Jun ^^"  
> As always I am happy and thankful for any encouragement you leave me :)


	5. Chapter 5

When Jun wakes up again, he is shivering. His shirt in drenched in sweat. He is not quite sure what woke him, but this is only natural. Probably the coughing, judging by how raw his throat feels. He flips on the light and has to blink a few times, before his tortured eyes adjust to the sudden light.  
Letting his eyes wander he sees a futon next to his bed. Sho seems to be sound asleep and he would rather keep it that way. Maybe it was his snoring, that woke him, Jun muses as he watches the older man sleep.

Carefully Jun sits up. The world isn't spinning too badly and he feels a bit better than before. The only concern he has now is his bladder. He really needs to pee. But when he gets up the world once again darkens and he can't help but let out a frustrated sigh. Here he was thinking that he was getting better.  
He falls back down on the bad gracelessly and starts coughing. He is trying to muffle it, but soon enough Sho turns around and opens his eyes.

"What time is it?" He asks sleepily. Jun is coughing too hard to answer and just points to the alarm clock on his nightstand.  
Sho gets up and sits down next to Jun, carefully rubbing his back to ease the coughing.  
"It's the middle of the night. You should go back to sleep."  
Jun shakes his head and finally manages to take a deep breath.  
"I need to use the toilet." He tries to get back up again and Sho follows his lead, one hand resting on Juns elbow.  
"You know, I can do this alone. I'll be fine. Go back to sleep." Trailing one hand along the wall he slowly makes it to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror he can't help but let out a small sigh. He looks awful. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair dishevelled and he is almost grey bar the red blotches on his cheeks, giving courtesy to the fever he is still running. He would rather not have Sho see him like this.  
After using the toilet he decides that a shower would be a good idea and starts undressing. He steps under the warm spray and closes his eyes. The water feels good and refreshing, washing off all the sweat. He leans his forehead against the cool tiles and sighs. This is good, he could stay here. But soon enough his luck turns.  
The nice warm water makes him feel dizzy and he has to sit down. He reaches up and tries to turn off the water, but he only manages to turn it to cold. It does help his circulation though and he does not quite feel like passing out anymore. A new coughing fit has him bending over and trying to catch his breath. The lack of oxygen just adds to his dizziness.

 

Sho hears the water being turned on. So Jun is taking a shower. He did sweat quite a lot. The older man gets up and checks the bedding. It is drenched in sweat and he decides to change the sheets. Jun for sure takes long in the shower.  
After 30 minutes Sho starts getting nervous and heads to the bathroom.  
"Matsujun?" No answer.  
"I'm coming in!" Sho can feel his stomach drop when he sees the lifeless figure on the floor. He quickly steps into the shower, not caring that cold water is drenching him. Cold water? Shit!  
He quickly kneels down next to Jun and places a hand on his forehead. He is burning up, but his limbs feel cold to the touch.  
His thoughts are racing. Why didn't he check on Jun earlier? He might have prevented this!

Sho turns off the shower and grabs a big towel that's hanging next to the door. He quickly dries Jun off, then he scoops him up and carries him to the bed.  
Jun doesn't even stir, which worries him greatly.  
Sho thinks about dressing Jun, but opts for just covering him with a blanket. He is not quite sure about how comfortable his friend feels with Sho helping him put on underwear.

"...un? Matsujun? Macchan?"  
Jun wakes to someone calling his name. He sleepily blinks and runs a hand over his eyes. He can remember taking a shower and feeling really dizzy and then... nothing.  
"What...? Where...?"  
"You passed out in the shower." Sho hands him some clothes. "Put these on, I'll go get the thermometer, you're running a crazy fever."

It takes some seconds until it dawns on Jun, what has actually happened. He is dry and lying in his bed. And he is naked. That means that Sho has found him and carried him here. All while being naked. Thinking about it, Sho looked like he also got wet. While the scenario unrolls in his head, he feels his stomach drop. This is possibly the worst thing that has happened to him up until now.

"Didn't I tell you to get dressed?" Sho sounds annoyed. He continues in a softer tone when he sees Jun wince. "Do you need help?"  
Jun hastily shakes his head.  
"You should also get changed! Your clothes look like they're wet."  
Sho shrugs. "I haven't got anything to change into."  
"We should be about the same size..." Jun muses.

When Sho returns he is wearing THE shirt. The one he also owns and Jun cringes. He had told Sho that he had thrown it out.  
Anyway, he had managed to get dressed while Sho got changed.  
"I thought you had thrown this away." Jun turns away so Sho can't see him blushing. "Nevertheless, it's a nice shirt. You should wear it more often!" He really hopes Sho doesn't notice how well used this shirt is.

Sho hands him a thermometer and Jun sticks it under his tongue, all together still avoiding looking up and meeting Shos eyes. He feels tears pricking in his eyes. This is all just too much for him.  
Being sick, being take care of the guy he has had a crush on for ages and the guy not even noticing and all. But he really should keep it together. Show no weakness.

When the thermometer beeps, he hands it to Sho, still facing down.  
"Hmmm... 39,8°C. That's pretty high."  
Sho grabs his chin, forces him to look up and rests his cold hand on Juns forehead. His eyes widen when he sees Juns face.

"Are you crying?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had some time to continue this. I hope you like it :)


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you crying?"

Jun hastily shakes his head and chokes out "No, I'm not!" His body is set on proving him wrong and he starts sobbing.  
This is bad. Really bad.

Suddenly he feels himself being pulled in a hug, Shos muscular arms circling him and pressing his face into his shoulder. He starts gently rubbing circles on Juns back as he lets him cry.  
"You're ok. We'll fix this!"  
With his face still buried in Shos shoulder Jun shakes his head. "No, you don't understand!"  
Sho just pulls him closer and holds him. Then he can feel lips resting on his damp hair. Jun pulls away as if something has burned him.  
"This is what I mean!" He cries out and starts coughing again. "You have to stop doing this to me!"

He is panicking now; his breaths come in gasps and the world keeps on swimming out of focus. He can hear Sho say something, but he can't understand him. He is caught in his own thoughts slowly spiralling out of control.  
A burning sensation on his cheek brings him back to reality and he stares at Sho in disbelief, holding his cheek. Sho has just slapped him.  
"I think you should leave." Tears keep rolling over his face, pooling on his chin and dripping down on his shirt.

"Ma...Macchan, hear me out!"  
Sho sounds desperate.  
"No." Jun cries out. "You keep on getting my hope up and then suddenly you act as if I'm the worst person you've ever met. You ignore me; make fun of me for having this crush. Do you think it ever stopped, Sho-san? Do you think I could fall out of love when you keep pushing me away and when I finally accept it you return to being nice and taking care of me? Playing with my feelings and the next day you don't know me anymore!"  
He has to take a break here to catch his breath. "Please leave..."  
He is basically begging now.

 

The first kiss they share is messy, wet with Juns tears and it’s not soft at all. When Sho pulls away Jun seems to have lost his voice. He stares at his bandmate in disbelief.

"Do you understand now?" Sho tries to smile, but he has also started crying.  
"After you told me about your feelings you started closing out everyone. Fucking one girl after another. And I was watching. You kept me at an arms distance and never ever talked about this again. And still, I started falling for you, all while missing my Macchan."

Jun can't express what he is feeling now. Is Sho making fun of him?

"Did you mean, what you just said?" He finally manages.

Sho laughs and nods. "Every word."

"You kissed me?"

"That's true."

"And you meant it?"

"Should I do it again?"

Jun nods.

Their second kiss is a bit gentler. Sho grabs his chin and pulls Jun up, their lips finally meeting and it is everything Jun ever dreamt of. A feeling he has never had before.  
It does not end very well when Jun starts coughing again.

"Sorry... you'll catch my cold now?"  
"You'll take care of me, won't you?" Sho smiles. "But anyways, I don't think that this is a cold. We'll have to see a doctor in the morning."  
Sho swings his legs up and comes to lie down next to Jun.  
"Scoot over!" He pulls Jun against his chest.  
"Now we sleep."

 

Jun had been way to nervous to sleep, but his fever must have gotten the best of him. When he opens his eyes again it is light outside. He feels very warm and when he tries to turn around, Sho pulls him close again.  
So this wasn't a fever dream? Was this real?  
He feels a bit better but then he starts coughing again and his body shaking wakes Sho, who goes right into mother hen (worried boyfriend?) modus.  
He helps Jun sit up and rubs small circles on his back.

"How are you feeling?"  
Jun smiles. "Amazing! But my body feels like crap."  
Sho starts laughing. He loves that laugh.  
"So this wasn't a dream?"  
Sho grins and shakes his head and pulls him into a sloppy kiss. 

When they pull apart Sho rests his palm on Juns forehead. "You're still warm. I'm gonna take your temperature and after that you are going to see a doctor."  
"It's just a cold."  
"Do you want to bet? If I'm right and it is pneumonia, you have to be the one to take me on a date first."  
Jun blushes deeply and takes the thermometer Sho hands him. His fever is still hovering around 39°C and all his protests are lost while Sho bundles him up and drags him to his car. 

It turns out that Sho is right. The doctor only listens to his chest, hums in agreement and prescribes some strong antibiotics and bed rest for the reminder of the week. 

"So... the first date is on you then."  
Jun blushes. "I hate it when you're right, Mr. Superbrain." He starts coughing again. Sho gives him a soft pat on the back, but keeps his eyes fixed on the road.

"So... what exactly are we now? What should we tell the others?"  
Without answering, still looking straight, Sho unlocks his phone and hands it to Jun.  
He has three mails that are still marked as unread, one from each of the other members. He feels his stomach sinking as he opens the first.  
It's from Aiba and it just says. "Finally, Sho-chan! I'm cheering for you."  
The second is from Riida and it says. "Take good care of Matsujun and don't catch his cold."  
When he reads the third one he drops the phone and stares at Sho.

"Be gentle. Jun-pon is sick, so don't fuck him brainless. He might need some strength to recover. Have fun and stay clean!"

Sho starts laughing. "So you read Ninos message?"

"They knew all along?"

"Who do you think pushed me into you yesterday? Aiba was probably the first to figure it out. He had to pick me up after I got drunk the night Mao-chan was on Shiyagare and the two of you left together. He basically told Riida and you can't really hide something like that from Nino."

Jun can feel the heat creeping up to his face and turns away.  
"We didn't do anything that night, you know. We just went out for drinks and then split up and went home."

Sho smiles. "How should I know? You were quite close, borderline dating and you hadn't been talking to me for so long."

"Sorry..."

A heavy hand comes to rest on his head. "As I told you before, we'll fix this. But let's focus on getting you better first."

They stay silent for some time, until Sho speaks up. "So I'd say you're my boyfriend. How do you like that?"

Jun just smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happened. I hope you liked it :) I might add an epilogue, if I have time.


	7. Chapter 7

Epilogue

Three weeks later...

They are filming VS Arashi today. Jun is still astonished at how everyone just accepted them dating. Of course, they have not told the public. It can be quite hard to keep up appearances, Jun muses, as he limps into the green room.

"Sho-chan! Jun has to move today! Or would you rather do the cliff climb?" Nino scolds the older one who looks like he has just been caught red-handed.   
Jun shoots him a glare that could kill. He winces, when he has to sit down. So maybe they did go a bit overboard yesterday. He had finally convinced Sho that he was not sick anymore and could take it. 

The worst thing is that they got found out first thing in the morning. And give that it is Nino now everyone else knows. They should have probably thought about this before things got hot yesterday.

Jun has to smile when he thinks back to Sho slowly working him open and...

"J, you're drooling."

"Shut it Nino!" He snaps. Sho rests a hand on his shoulder, trying to ground him, but Jun is on a roll. "This is all your fault!" He brushes Shos hand off and moves to a chair further away. Aiba actually looks a bit bothered, since Jun basically took his seat, but decides not to risk anything.

"Well technically, you begged..."

Before Jun can react one of the staff members calls them to start filming. 

He is still pretty wrought-up when they start. The only good thing coming out of this is that the adrenaline basically erased his pain.  
Nevertheless he is a bit scared of doing the cliff climb. Though he has done this in way worse conditions before and no one knows about Sho and him. He is caught up in his thoughts and almost misses his cue. 

The bell rings and he starts. The pent up rage has him climb faster than ever. Before he even knows he is finished and jumps to change to Aiba, who is waiting at the bottom of the cliff. He high fives his bandmate, but misses the landing and twists his ankle when he steps on the edge of the mat. 

He yells out in pain, but manages to catch himself before he totally faceplants. Sho is the first to reach him. "Matsujun? What happened? Are you okay?"  
Aiba has also stopped climbing and now comes running towards him.

"I'm fine. Nothing serious." Leaning on Sho he gets up and limps over to their seats. "I am deeply sorry for the inconvenience!" He apologizes to both staff and audience. 

They take a short break and a doctor wraps his ankle before telling him to rest a few days. Sho is fussing over him the whole time and the people in the audience have started talking.  
In between clenched teeth Jun hums a short "Stop it!" to his boyfriend, who doesn't seem to care. If the camera was still rolling this could have counted as fan service, but right now...

Meanwhile the set has been changed and Jun calls someone from the staff over to tell everyone that they can start filming. He will be fine.  
When the camera is rolling again, he apologizes a second time and tells them everything is being taken care of and that he will be fine in a few days. 

Somehow the filming ends and they are finally allowed to leave. He uses Ninos and Ohnos shoulders to support himself while walking back to the green room. Sho looks pissed.  
When the door closed behind them the scolding starts.   
"Why do you act all boyfriend-y in front of everyone? This could have ruined everything!" Juns voice wavers a bit while he yells at Sho.  
"Who cares? You hurt yourself, I'm allowed to worry!"  
"I was fine without you, you know!" Jun knows that he is being unfair, but pain, embarrassment and anger add up and leave him fuming.  
Sho slowly walks over to his bag, takes it and leaves. No word of good-bye or anything. 

This is when Jun notices how hard he is shaking. He knew that this was too good to be true and now he has destroyed everything. He feels his eyes welling up with tears, his vision becoming blurry.  
He feels the panic attack building up at a high speed and he can't do anything.  
The other members just stare at him, not sure, what to do.

"I'll find Sho-chan!" Aiba proclaims and leaves.   
Ohno sits down next to him and tries to hug him, but Jun doges him and curls in on himself. He doesn't deserve their pity. He messed it up. It was nice while it lasted, but he will probably survive a second ice age. He is not sure, if the group will. This is when it hits him. The consequences of what he was doing, the burden on the group, the problems that could arise. Why didn't he think of this before everything happened?  
Caught in a spiral of thoughts he finds himself unable to breath.

When Sho returns to the green room he is still angry. Aiba managed to convince him to come back, but Juns words hurt more than he would have expected. They will solve this. But he has to set a few things straight. 

The anger vanishes as soon as he sees Jun. His boyfriend is rocking his body back and forth, shaking visibly and crying. It had been ages since he saw a full-blown panic attack like this happen to Jun, but this for sure is one.   
He drops his bag and almost crashes into Nino, who is in his way to Jun. He falls on his knees in front of his boyfriend and grabs his hands.  
"Macchan! Look at me! Breath with me!"

Juns face is raw with emotion when he finally meets Shos eyes. "I'm so sorry!" He sobs, his voice shaking. Before Sho can reply anything, Juns eyes roll back in his head and he slumps forward. Sho barely manages to catch him.

When Jun comes to, he doesn't know where he is. Someone covered his eyes with a wet towel. Memories come rushing back to him and he feels his breath hitching.  
"Macchan?" Shos voice sounds rough, but soft in a way.   
"I'm sorry!" Jun feels the tears returning.  
Sho just shakes his head. "It's fine. You have to stop doing this to me!"  
Jun manages a small nod.  
"I didn't mean, what I said."  
"I know. I shouldn't have pushed you. But maybe we should talk to Kitagawa-san about this, I don't want to hide this. I don't want to hide, that I'm dating the most beautiful guy in the group."  
Jun nods and gives a shy smile. 

"You are really cute, everyone will love this!" This is when Jun notices the other members standing around the couch he is lying on. Aiba gives him a thumbs-up.  
"But you have to be a bit nicer to Sho-chan, he deserves it."  
Jun nods and looks down. "You're right..."  
"No." Sho grabs his chin and makes him look back up again. "Stop the self pity. I love you; I will never leave you, because you get angry at times. I've known you for over 20 years, don't you think I'm used to this? I love you nevertheless."

Jun feels his cheeks grow red. He didn't expect to hear this word in front of everyone else. Love. Love...  
"I love you, too!" He declares a bit flustered.   
Aiba starts cheering, when Sho kisses him.

 

In the end Johnny did approve of their relationship. The fans will love it, he said. But don't you dare break up. Jun laughed and took Shos hand, intertwining their fingers. The older one ran a finger over the ring on his hand and he smiled. No, they don't really plan on breaking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with this I'm done. I hope you enjoyed it, though I tend to go a bit overboard with the drama ^^"   
> I am thankful for all your great comments! So thanks for sticking with me!

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm back to the Arashi-fandom.  
> I've mostly been a passive reader but I kinda felt like writing this.  
> It's nothing special, just a "normal" sickfic.  
> I am studying medicine so I'll try to stick with true facts.  
> I am very sorry if my English is not the best, I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to correct my mistakes ;)


End file.
